Friday, January 17, 2014

Still too tense

Week 1, I did a great job of remaining positive. This week, however, managed to get the best of me. Yesterday I told a coworker, nearly in tears, that there are too many people who want and need my attention. I felt bad because I had been a little short with her the day before. I have two kids out next week and was trying to get some work ready for them to do while they're out. She had signed us up for library time and we were planning on doing a research assignment. So I was asking her questions so I could get those two the materials to do read over sources and answer the same kinds of questions. She wasn't yet at a point where she could give me all the answers, but I was pushing for them anyway, so I felt bad that I was rude to her, but also feel frustrated that she is planning things without clear goals in mind. However, that's the role I play in this team, and I am not actually there being a team member lately.

So one of my goals was to spend one day with her and one with the other social studies teacher a week to talk about what needs done. It's not happening. A specific time with my student teacher didn't happen either. I'm frustrated with her, too as I turned around to ask her a question the other day and she was gone. And that was not the first time this has happened. Additionally, she left yesterday before 3:30, which is not okay per her requirements. I was off talking to one of the students who was going to be out and getting them their work and came back and no sign of her. So I think we're going to have to have a chat and I am really starting to see why so many teachers are so hands-off with student teachers. We've been asked not to do that, but there is definitely some sanity preserved that way.

On to the positives, because those are important to focus on. I had dinner with one of my oldest friends, Callie, last night. Our friendship has been pretty strained the last few years, but we try. It was SO nice to see her last night because she is feeling exactly the way I am. She's been short with coworkers and just feels emotionally out of control like me. Also, she just feels like she is down to very few friends. Knowing that, I think we're going to make more time for each other and support each other more. I told her about my resolution to spend more time with friends and she thought that was a good one. We're two friends that need to hang out sans hubbies (because ours don't have a ton in common and don't necessarily appreciate each other and I must admit, although I think her husband is great for her, he's not my favorite person either). However, I will push the hubby thing if it means I get to see my friend more often. After all, my husband invites the whole bachelor party over sometimes. They all wanted me to hang out last time and I did for a bit before going off on my own.

My coworkers and I are also having lunch though one is out today (sad) and the student teachers were invited, too. I was disappointed by that but I need to let that go. She really is great - I'm just a control freak who teaches two subjects and she teaches one and she takes up more time so that science is this sort of extra thing hanging above my head and possible strangling me at the moment. Considering the situation, I am not sure I will take a student teacher again. Certainly not when there is new curriculum to figure out that I have never taught before.

Either way, I am feeling MUCH better after dinner last night and am ready to make a go of being positive. She and I also talked about binge reading and the importance of that in destressing us. She is just getting back into reading and I told her about about I went from just over 50 books in 2012 to reading nearly 100 in 2013 and that you get back into the swing of things after some practice. Interesting enough, this second quarter when I had been so stressed, I had not been reading. So reading is actually part of my becoming balanced program. Think of it as my version of meditation. Much needed meditation. Right now, I am reading a zombie book - very meditative. Actually it is great expect the main characters are twins and there is this whole "my lost other half" thing that annoys me (as a twin). But there are some very real aspects to the relationship between the let's see if she can salvage the book but not annoying me too much more. I love the story otherwise!

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